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Kiko announces Tirana, the capital of 1001 museums

2024-03-08 09:18:00, Opinione Lutfi Dervishi

"Eureka-Eureka-Eureka!"

This was the first cry of the monkey Kiko as he watched from the television of a Sarandjo bar that the National Historical Museum will put the lock on for at least 4 years.

An idea flashed in his brain, the same as the ideas that flash to geniuses, perhaps like the one that sparks Galileo Galilei to leave the University of Pisa and find the sky, or like Christopher Columbus to whom it sparks to leave Europe to discover America.

Even our missionary decided to leave the port of Saranda and start working as a guide in the capital, which, as a hit song from the 2000s says, "Anything can happen, we live in Tiron!"

A mixed group of foreigners who happened to be in Tirana for a peace summit about the war in the Middle East were Kiko's first "clients".

The first meeting place was Skënderbej Square, where the National Historical Museum is in front of it.

Here, - continued Kiko, - the 100-year history of Tirana is summarized. To my right you see the Russian influence, the Palace of Culture, in front of me you see the Chinese influence (15 katshi hotel), and then to my left is the Italian influence (government buildings and the National Bank).

But the most indelible traces in "Skënderbej" square, - said Kiko, - are the influence of the oligarchs.

- Do you see the towers around?! You haven't seen anything yet!…

As they circled the National History Museum like dancing dervishes, Kiko said a meditation would be performed to understand the history of that building.

- I have good news and bad news! The bad thing is that the museum will be closed for 1460 days, but the good thing is that it will open again on March 28, 2028, at 18:15. There is a debate because the government has asked to open much earlier at 17:30, but the company that won the tender says that it has accurate accounts and cannot move from the deadline.

Here you are free to ponder the past, present and future of this country that has carved the path of history with sword in hand.

While the tangle of traffic and horns were ruining the meditative atmosphere, Kiko explained the situation saying that anything can happen in front of Tirana's circus.

- Where are we not seeing it? - asked an Asian summitist tourist.

-It used to be a building, but the echo has remained! - said Kiko, explaining the closing of the circus with the fact that the competition increased so much in recent years that all acrobatic activity was monopolized in the parliament.

- Anyway, a beautiful tower will be built there and in honor of the old circus there will be a bar called "Bar Restaurant Akrobacia".

The second stop of our stop will be the National Theatre.

As they walked further, the tourists stopped in front of another closed construction site.

It surprised him how between the buildings of an Italian style, a hole was opened.

At first they thought that an installation was being erected to show how dictatorial regimes are buried, but Kiko explained that it was the pit where it is said that a theater will be built.

- If you were lucky and came 4 years ago, you would have seen the Theater building since then they put the bricks. According to the opposition, after they come to power, it will be resurrected: "where it was and as it was", while according to the government, the Theater will be an unprecedented thing.

However, this capital city really lacks theater, but not variety shows, since every Thursday politics itself has solved this issue.

Kiko's explanations were in simple words, quick and clear.

As he approached the summitist group at the National Library, he urged them not to approach to enter.

Monkeys are not allowed here as there has been no room for readers for decades. Their place has been taken by many historical books about the antiquity of Albania, books about the countless heroes of this country. A special place is occupied by the volumes on the history of provinces, villages, tribes and families.

The walks through Tirana continued.

The third stop was the Art Gallery.

- Burn your laziness and turn on your imagination as to what is inside since the gallery was closed 3 years ago for restructuring, but it will be opened in the 4th term of the government, - said Kiko, inviting them to climb through the scrap metal of the "Reja" installation.

An Italian summitist tourist refused to listen to our monkey any more and suddenly called out:

-The museum is closed, the library is closed, the circus is closed, the gallery is closed, the theater is closed, the cinema is closed, what the hell are we going to see here?

-Hmm, you Italians have a little patience, so you invented pasta that is prepared quickly! Don't worry, tomorrow I will tell you why this place does not need a museum, - said Kiko.

At the end of the day, as the sun shed its last rays on Skanderbeg Square and tourists prepare their Instagram posts filled with wise sayings and selfies with him, Kiko took a breath and filled himself with all the fresh air of March.

"They have learned more than they could have imagined, but tomorrow is the question. Tomorrow…”

***

The summitists fell asleep quickly, as the hikes through Tirana had tired them too much. On the second day of the tour, the monkey Kiko was waiting for them at "Bar Çakalli" next to the opera where he was holding a file.

-Today from this place you will learn why museums are not needed in Albania. Look at Skanderbeg, the national hero with horse and sword! Right there, in front of him was "Father Stalin" with a hood and mustache. The boulevard in front of you towards the north is today called "Zogu i I", yesterday it was called "Stalin Boulevard" and the day before yesterday "Musolini Boulevard". Another area in Tirana connects us with father Stalin, that of December 21, his birthday.

The summitists stood frozen in front of Kiko's confessions as if they were statues on the "Skënderbej" square.

-The Palace of Culture that you see on my left, only the first floor was built by the Soviets, the second floor was built by the Chinese, while we finished the third floor with our own forces. Meanwhile, where you see the Museum used to be the Tirana City Hall building.

Along the Boulevard on the left side you see the Ministry of Justice, but it used to be Hotel Arbëria. A little further down is the train station, no station, no train, no rail and no track as we are waiting for that too.

The Vatican embassy was the Cuban embassy, ??while the residence of the Italian ambassador was the "Lenin-Stalin" museum. The Ministry of Education used to be a Soviet embassy. While the Ministry of Culture was Kinostudio.

Today we will see another museum, the "House of Leaves", which was the headquarters of State Security surveillance, but during the Kingdom and the Second World War it was a private gynecological clinic. While the General Directorate of Taxes has been Martenitet. The military hospital used to be the horse stable of the Italian army. Likewise the Police Academy.

"Here, every building groans from the weight of history" - said Kiko while starting the explanation from the southern side of the large Boulevard.

- What you see is the Presidency, but it once served as the Russian embassy, ??a work that they could not finish after the fraternal relations were broken.

-While this large building that appears to be a university was a fascist lieutenant colonel and then a former German command.

This beautiful building, which today is not understood what it is, was once the Dajti hotel, the opposite side is Taiwan. Albania does not recognize Taiwan, but there is a bar/area with this name.

If you open google map now, you will remember that you are in the building of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, but this here used to be a hotel for Chinese employees. As soon as they finished building the hotel, relations with China broke down.

In front of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, you see the State Police Directorate, but here was the Arbana hotel, while the Court of Appeal was once the police station no. 1 and before that the fire brigade of Tirana.

The Parliament was the former royal palace, while the prince's palace was for a time the pioneers' palace.

Kiko continued with the explanation of the history of the buildings, streets and alleys of Tirana and decided to end the day by explaining the meaning of the "Black Bird" to the tourists.

After explaining the meaning in detail, he spread his paws and asked:

- Do you understand now why museums are not needed here? In this country there is no need for closed museums, we are museums in the open sky.