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How to destroy tourism in the South

2024-07-09 14:52:00, Opinione CNA

Illustrative photo

Inspired by the protests of residents in Barcelona against tourists, it seems that in the South of Albania, a more efficient solution is being found for not having vacationers. Unlike the protests in Spain, here everyone has a clear plan on how to appease the tourists.

1. Prices, prices, prices

Raise prices on everything—hotels, food, and even those souvenirs that no one looks at. Make sure that a plate of fish costs more than a month's salary, and it is certain that the tourists will run back to their homes. Don't make the prizes public, and if a fool comes a second time, offer them prizes to remember for life.

2. Don't smile

Stay focused. Make every tourist feel like an uninvited guest. If you shoot serving a coffee, make him feel like you donated a kidney. Make sure their impressions on Booking or Airbnb are 100% negative. This will have a deterrent effect on others.

3. Stop coffee

Do not forget that the one who orders coffee wants to occupy the table for two hours and throw 200 lek. In a country where coffee is life itself, declaring it unprofitable and thus unnecessary is tantamount to cutting off oxygen. Imagine the horror on the face of a tourist or Albanian when he finds out that he cannot start or end the day with a cup of coffee. Guaranteed panic, immediate exodus.

4. Watch out for umbrellas!

Triple their price. Do not forget the war in Ukraine and Gaza and the increase in the price of fuel. Introduce a "premium shadow" fee. Make staying in the shade as expensive as booking a suite at the Ritz. Tourists, if not for the price, will be chased by the sun and will leave in a hurry, taking with them the sun creams and the euros that here now don't even come into work.

5. Water and light!

Turn off the water and lights from time to time and let stray dogs roam the beaches and feed on garbage.

6. Government

To drive out tourists, the government must also do its part. Toll prices may double. The 5 or 3 euro fee is an insult to the government's ambitions. And what is 15 euros to enjoy the tunnel that no other country in Europe has?

7. Do not follow the example of the North

Do you see how many people there are in the North or even in Pogradec? Full. More tourists means more trouble, more work, more waste. Is it worth the work! Humans have worked hard, now is the time of Artificial Intelligence.

And finally...

After scrupulously implementing these tips, sit cross-legged on an empty beach, enjoy absolute tranquility and philosophical reflections on the meaning of life. And when someone asks why there are no more tourists, answer with an enigmatic smile: the neck is stiff.

With these prices and services, it is certain that our Riviera with beaches full of light and crystal water will turn into an oasis of calm where only the sound of the waves and the sound of the seagulls will be heard./ CNA