Did life make me a man?

2024-08-12 18:19:00, Sociale Glidona Daci

Glidona Daci, journalist

On one of those hot days, with the scorching heat and the sun shining like it's going to set the world on fire, I was supposed to meet a girl, all about work. At first glance, she looked stern, unconcerned, as if she didn't care about anything, a strong girl, but if you looked into her eyes deep inside them, great traumas and a lot of suffering were hidden.

During the conversation, at one point I looked at him with sad eyes and lowered my head, the tears started, I didn't understand, I was in a difficult situation. That wall of ice had fallen and broken, she had already revealed herself to me, for the first time in that conversation she showed emotion. In my mind I had created the image of an unconscious man. I very gently told him that you seem very "hard on rhetoric", all this on the topic of discussing work matters.

I'm starting from the beginning, he told me, since you could understand my pain in my eyes . She was in her thirties, so she had lived over 3 decades, if you could call it a life. The young woman with beautiful eyes and an angelic face came from a deep mountain village in the north of the country. Slim, with long hair. He came from a family known in his area for generosity and faith. She was the last child of a family of 7 members: mom, dad, sisters and brothers.

"My mother was very beautiful, with long dirty black hair and eyes, that's how I remember her in my childhood memories, but I can't remember her face and body without black marks. I know Gliddon, the first memory I have in my head and I will never forget it, is when my father raped my mother with the belt of his pants, because lunch was not ready. At that time we were all small, unable to save our mother from the torture, then I remember that it became something common in our house.

Even the most paradoxical for the mistakes we made as children, the mother should be violated. There is no corner of that house that is not washed with my mother's blood. That's why I don't have the strength and courage to go to my hometown. At that time I didn't dream of beautiful dolls or new clothes, at that time I only had nightmares and prayed that one day it would all end. I dreamed that my mother would no longer be abused, that I would see joy on her face and no more tears, that there would be no screaming, I wanted a quiet life even though I didn't actually know what quiet meant ," she said.

" Children who grow up with violence will definitely become violent, because that is the model they have adopted in life. Once the brother grabbed his sister by the hair just because she didn't give him a glass of water. Do you know why he did it? Because he was a man and she had to obey him. We girls and housewives had to do what the "men" said, since that's what we were for, to serve. Fortunately, the brothers left that country, emigrated and there they began to be emancipated, to learn values ??and respect for women.

And so the days passed, the years passed amid violence, torture, screaming, shouting, insults, curses and curses. My father has never physically abused me, but psychologically he destroyed me, I don't know how to deal with people, soft, calm, I am sometimes afraid of becoming like him.

My sisters married the men my father chose, he didn't let them get an education, because according to him, a woman is to give birth to children and do housework, in short, a man's servant. When I became a teenager I wanted to attend school. Secretly, my mother and sisters told me to get an education and leave this country, save yourself, become a mistress of yourself so that you don't depend on anyone.

Those words were so ingrained in my head that I learned more and more every day. Then my father wanted to marry me, it was the time of rebellion. I threatened him, I told him I will leave home, I want to get an education, to be independent. The "war" broke out at home, fortunately my brothers were also in favor of me going to school.

After many vicissitudes, I managed to convince my family, I left, I came to Tirana for the faculty. I was very naive, very fair, very honest, I didn't know how to cheat, I wasn't cunning. They often used me, because Glidona in this life to be fair and honest is a sin. I didn't want much from this life, I asked for comfort, love, support, but in reality those who I trusted the most stuck the knife deep in my soul. It's good that they stuck him, but they also twisted him so that the pain was great. So today I have become like a piece of ice, insensitive.

Dad wants to marry me even today, but I see men as enemies. Even those I have known his likeness have turned out for me. I can't change my fate. A few weeks ago, my mother, now old, was raped again, this time for my fault. Dad had asked him why I refuse to get married, he had doubts that my mother supports me in this decision.

I felt guilty, I cried, I thought about killing myself, I didn't know what else to do. I have asked my mother several times to leave the house, to come live with me, since I have a good salary, a good job and I can keep it, but she refuses. It says that my father was her destiny and she must submit to it."

But is fate in our hands?

As she spoke, tears welled up in my eyes. How her story resembled that of many others! But can I help them?

After listening to him for almost two hours of conversation, between tears, pain and a lot of suffering, he said to me: " Have I become a bad person?" That's how I'm labeled, she tramples you, she has no mercy, but people don't know that being strong in character, icy and coming off as insensitive, has been done to me by life, the sufferings I've gone through.

No one knows how many times I have been injured, how many times I have sought to disappear from this world ".

During this discussion I came to understand that she had built a strong shell so that no one would hurt her again, but inside the shell was an innocent little girl who was looking for nothing else in this life but a little love.

After wiping the tears, he asked me: Did life make me a "man"?