The word "shame" and its influence on children

2023-06-14 19:46:00, Sociale Lira Gjika

The use of the word "shame" by adults shows the child that adults, just like him, the child, when they are angry or angry, do not think or choose words and actions, but act through anger.

The word "shame", like the word "rest" should be removed from the use of adults to address minors. Parents, educators, teachers and adults in general address a child when he does something they don't like: "you have no shame" "shame on you" or "shame on you".

These expressions are not thoughts, but emotional reactions, such as impatience, annoyance, anger, and helplessness. When the child does not obey or has done something that embarrasses the adult, the adult who demands the child's unconditional obedience, i.e. submission, loses control and forgets that he is a parent or a professional and even worse forgets that he is an adult; remember the expression: "he was made to disobey me".

This way of education has already been proven to be harmful because it operates through fear and not through responsibility and respect.

In fact, the word "Shame" should be a conclusion of the child himself, which is realized through education, and not be told to the child directly by the adult, as a label. The use of this word and expressions with it show that the adult does not try to educate the child through responsibility, but through fear and submission. If he is taught respect by demonstrating it to the adult, the child reaches the conclusion himself.

The adult, by not reacting with "nerves" and talking about himself, shows the immature that he does not do "X" action or does not use "X" words, because he values ??himself and cannot behave ugly. Adults, shame is not just a word, but a very powerful emotion that should not be misused, that requires a lot of care because it directly affects a person's personality.

Right management of the sense of shame cultivates self-esteem and respect for oneself and, of course, for others. Respect and self-esteem are not taught by telling the child "shame on you", i.e. to be ashamed of yourself, but by patiently choosing your words and actions, i.e. by respecting and considering the child a human even though he is immature.